I shall begin today’s writing with a story written by someone else, whom I know not who, but credit goes to he/she who wrote/told the story first. And may he/she who wrote/told/share this story be blessed with great joy and peace for bringing this little morsel of wisdom to this world.
“A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
‘Why do people in anger shout at each other?’
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either non-existent or very small.
The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
He looked at his disciples and said.
‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.'”
I am quite sure almost everyone on earth has experienced the feeling of wanting to do something horrible (whatever it is I shall let your imagination fill in the blanks) to someone else whom you think has landed you in a horrible state (of whatever, ie. emotion, physical well-being, etc). And, lets just pretend for a moment that you could do whatever you want without any repercussions, how many of you will actually follow through with the action on the spur of the moment? After that, do you think you will feel any better? Some will, some will not; and yet some others will feel even worse than before they started out.
“Anger” is a form of ego defense to keep you from feeling the lowest of the low. Anger kicks in when a situation “you know” will cause you to feel helpless and powerless, from your past experiences. In addition, such triggers do transfer to other situations, such as shifting repressed anger felt at home to similar situations in the work/office environment.
Many forms of cognitive behavioral techniques can help with anger management, but understand that it is more of just fixing the symptom and ignoring the core issue here. To effectively handle anger you have to find the core issue that is triggering the eruption. The presenting anger eruption episode is just a symptom of something deeper that is bothering you. Find that, make peace with it, and it will go away for good.
Having said that, please understand that “anger” is neither a good thing, nor a bad thing. It is what you make of it. It is there to help protect you from feeling unsafe, just like “fear”; such emotions exists so that you may live again tomorrow to experience all that life has to offer.