Let me share a little story here today. I shall let you decide if it is real or fiction.
There was once a 5 yr old Chinese boy. Who lived with his parents, and his paternal grandmother. His father was almost never present in his life and prefers to be out and about than with is family. His grandmother would nag and level criticisms at his mother almost incessantly about almost anything. One day while this boy was at his desk working on some problem sums from Math, he encountered lots of difficulties in trying to work them out (come on, he is only five years old, barely even ready for elementary, or primary, school). His mother was beside him trying to teach/tutor him. She was very patient with him at first, but after numerous unsuccessful attempts at trying to get him to understand the concepts involved, she got very frustrated. She pinned him against the wall with the desk while he was sitting in his chair and starting beating on him. The poor boy started crying. This little boy eventually grew up to experience intense anger, and exhibit rebellious tendencies against female characters in his life who hold power to exercise it over him.
The good news…..
He was able to “time-hop” back into the past to speak with this “little boy”. To explain to “him” what he did not know then; that his mother was taking out her frustrations from his grandma’s treatment of her, and she does not even realize it. He sees it now for the first time. He consoled the “boy” to make him feel better. He told “him”, “I am sorry that you did not understand all that at this time. Please forgive me! I love you very much and will always be with you. And thank you very much for being here.” He said this to “him” 3 times. The “little boy” smiled and hugged him, “thank you I understand now, and I will always be with you too.” Whisking over to his mother’s side like a ghost (literally), he spoke into the ear of his mother “Ma, I am sorry I couldn’t do those Math problems then, and for thinking that I wanted to kill you when you were hitting me. Please forgive me. I know you are going through a lot with Pa and Ah Ma. I love you very much, and thank you very much.” (“Ah Ma” means “grandma” in one of the Chinese dialect). After saying that 3 times to her he departed to return to the present. To the surprise of all who has interacted with him after this episode, his confrontational attitude had vanished, like it had never happened before. And he reports feeling a huge relief like a big boulder has been lifted off of him.
Most western countries will frown on the “beating” part of the little boy. Unfortunately, for some certain country/s (which shall remain unnamed for obvious reasons) where academic results are a primary focus, the modus operandi for almost all parenting takes the form of punitive punishment (ie. Authoritarian Parenting). “A”s mean the world to the parents, it means landing a good job, parents being proud of their kids, higher social standing; a show of bad results means the end of the world, or so they think. In such countries, this story will be as real as it can ever be, and that is the sad truth.
Moral of the story….
There are a few things that I feel are worthy of some thought/s here :
- Mirror neurons in our brains allows us to experience things like we are seeing it, even if it was just observing images on a screen (like the TV). This has been scientifically proven.
- Research has also shown that our minds can simulate imagined experiences as if it was happening in real time. Again, if it was a hoax, Olympic level athletes would not be using mental rehearsal regiments to help them prepare for their competition.
- Bad academic results? Let it be! The world moves on, we live and we learn. Learn to harvest the lessons learned from your failures. No one succeeds 100% of the time in their lives in the real world. It only happens in the contrived world of academics; even at that only a very small percentage of a lucky few are able to achieve that feat. (I am not advocating any form of revolt to anyone here)
- Lastly, if you do not make peace with your past, it will come back to bite you when you least expect it.